Appendix 2

Suggestions for Preventing Divorce

As I have worked with several couples and individuals who were thinking about getting a divorce, I have noticed a pattern of behavior that is quite common.

1. One or both of the partners in the marriage feel frustrated. He or she thinks, "This is not what I want in my marriage."

2. He internalizes his frustration and thinks, "I should be able to handle this."If he can, he forgives wrongs done to him and accepts his imperfect mate as is.

3. If he cannot handle his frustrations, he fails to forgive.

4. His frustration then often turns into bitterness. He thinks, "I'm stuck. I don't like you; you've hurt me."He may also think, "God is not answering my prayers."

5. Finally he explodes. He says, "I want out of this relationship! I can't take it any longer!"

This problem has its roots in a failure to forgive. The person involved may not realize this, but this is usually the crucial issue.

Here is a procedure to try to help someone who has exploded, or is about to, to forgive his or her mate.

1. Go to the person. Tell him that you are concerned for his welfare, that you believe he is making a big mistake, and that you have his happiness and welfare at heart.

2. Encourage him to ventilate his feelings of frustration by telling you how he feels. Ask, "How do you feel about your marriage?"

3. Show him what has been happening in his life by pointing out the five steps outlined above if these apply.

4. Help him to learn how to deal with his frustrations so they do not build up within him. This involves venting them to God, a friend, and or his spouse.

5. Motivate him to forgive his spouse by reminding him how much God has forgiven all of us. We all keep offending God, but He forgives us and remains committed to us. He has promised never to leave us. Furthermore He promises grace (help) so we can live one day at a time (2 Cor. 12:9).

In view of how much God has forgiven us, we should forgive each other any and every offense.